One of the ladies in our group on Friday night had a very good point. It is hard to understand that our value comes from who we are and not from what we do especially ever since childhood we’ve been praised for a “good job” or given allowance for the work we did in the house. Deeds = Value.

How then do we raise our children to have a full understanding that indeed we are valuable because of the one within and because of the royal inheritance we have from being children of the King and not from the things we do?

We don’t give out an allowance in our household. The kids have responsibilities within this home because it is their home and they are a part of the family. Don’t worry they are not in lack. Right now they’re getting plenty of “tooth” money! 🙂 My hubby wants to start rewarding them for bringing home good report cards, perfect test scores, reading books and doing book reports, doing extra homework in the study guides we bought, etc. Will this just reinforce to them a value system that I am trying so hard to break in the older generation? I know it is important to encourage them on the jobs they are doing. How do you do both?

I do not want my kids to go through the things I have seen many adults go through; insecurities and perfectionism are two of many. I have seen many broken people come through our doors; many were people who suffered from performance issues. The first time they met us they listed off the things they’ve done for “the church” or for the Lord. It sounded like a job interview and they were uttering their spiritual resume. When we didn’t recognize many of these gifts/talents… they were off and running to the next church down the road. That cycle will continue in their life until they fully surrender and unfortunately it can be a character trait that passes down from generation to generation.

That was a bit of a bunny trail… I said all that to say this. We can still learn a lot from that small group of Scriptures in Luke 10:38-42. Don’t get so busy that you put God on the backburner. What can start off so innocent as putting something ahead of church service or prayer night or even tithing — just a few times — things will get back to normal soon — it’s a sacrifice I’m making for a short time so I can get _________ done — can lead into a pattern and become a lifestyle sooner than you think. Time passes fast and before you know it those days have become weeks and can lead into months or years. I know from which I speak.

Martha, Martha, Martha — Thanks for the lesson in life!


I'm the Cool Mom of 4, Married to the Preacher Man, but at times I'm a little more Sass than Saint!

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  1. I agree with the allowance issue. When I was growing up we used to get an allowance when we did things. My parents were trying it out once, so when I wanted money, I would clean the toilet and the bathtub, and yes memorize scriptures…I only did this when I wanted money though. It did not last long!! We have tried many things with our kids so far. We have done a dollar for each year of their age if they do certain things, it didn’t work, cause we didn’t have a lot of money.

    I have more to say…I think I am going to blog it and link to you!!

  2. We’ve gone back and forth with the “chore” thing and whether to give them allowance. It’s a tough one.

    And why is it so hard to keep God first in our lives. It is a dangerous and scary thing to let everything else overwhelm us that we don’t even give him a thought!

  3. I used to share your sentiment about allowance, but we had 2 problems #1, I needed to teach my kids how to handle money and the value of things they buy and #2, the world works on “allowance” – if you don’t work you don’t get paid and you don’t eat.

    So we separated allowance and chores. We give allowance which means they don’t ask mom & dad for treats/toys every time we go to the store, the save for what they want and they learn about not borrowing when they don’t have enough (not even for tax).

    They also have chores. Those are things they do to help maintain the family home (like emptying garbage, helping fold laundry..things that are a regular part of their responsibilities). In addition to their chores, we have paying jobs. Those are things that normally my husband or I would take care of but if we need help or they want to earn extra money, we’ll pay them (perhaps doing some extra yard work, mopping the kitchen floor or other items I don’t generally assign to them).

    Dave Ramsey, a Christian financial guru, has some great thoughts on that and calls it “commission” rather than allowance, to teach the value of reward for hard work, which is the way our world works.

  4. PS–for not doing chores, we don’t withhold allowance necessarily, but they would get some other consequence, much as they would for disobeying or being disrespectful.

  5. Your following thoughts got me thinking. My hubby wants to start rewarding them for bringing home good report cards, perfect test scores, reading books and doing book reports, doing extra homework in the study guides we bought, etc.

    Men (boys) and women (girls) tend to be different in their needs to “earn” approval. For example, the Boyscout merit badge system reinforces a boy’s need to “work.” Generally, girls are more “grace/relationship” oriented, and less concerned about working for rewards.

    That said, Martha was an active “doer, and Mary was a receptive “be-er.” Jesus was certainly more approving of Mary’s receptive attitude, which is in keeping with the NT Grace vs. OT Works theology.

    Don’t know if that helps, but you’ve raised some worthwhile thoughts in this post.

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