Good friends are hard to find, even harder if you knew my life and my schedule. Some days are plain insane!

Most nights of the week we are not home for one church thing or another and on top of that this year we’re trying to let our kids have fun (outside the church) too. We’re out almost all day on Sundays and my hubby likes to keep things quiet on Saturday evenings. (Did I mention I have 4 kids who are 8, 6, 4, and 17 months and I work part-time at a Credit Union and I do the church books, bulletin, Sunday school, greeting, women’s ministry, teaching, and traveling with my hubby for Pastoral functions?!)

I can honestly say that my only night of the week where I know I will have the van (we are trying to live within our means and only have 1 vehicle at this time) is Mondays. One day a week I get to do what I want to do. This night however ends up being my grocery shopping or cleaning night… this is also a hint to all my friends out there reading this… MONDAYS = GOOD NIGHT TO CALL AND GET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!

This year (like my plans last year) I would like to make more time for my friends, which happen to be mostly within the church (it’s just a lot easier) but I do have a few outside the church. These few friends have got to be the most patient people I know ’cause many a month goes by before I get a chance to see them (we do e-mail frequently) – unless they pop by my place that is.

I have one girlfriend left that I keep in touch with still from high school days (graduated in 1990… yikes!). None from my days in College and University. None from my working days that lead up to my wedding. When you live just over 5,000 kilometers away from “home” it makes it a tad difficult… My one girlfriend and I e-mail from time to time, she lives in New York City now and is an up and coming artist (with a couple of famous brothers I might add) and whenever we manage to crash into one another, it’s like time has stood still. I admire her and she me and as we grow and mature our relationship continues to develop.

I knew when I moved here that it would be like starting over. Stranded was one feeling I had at one time. One of my friends here (outside my church) reminded me of how miserable I was back then, I had a lot of change to adjust to and it wasn’t easy. I’m still adjusting – to a lot of things!!

I’ve had to learn (and am still learning) how to wear both the leader and friend hat with those inside the church. That one has me frustrated and stumped at times. I haven’t been too successful with this in the past. I am learning to just keep my mouth shut in situations where an opinion is not wanted ~ just an ear. But how long do you do this??

Honestly, I am truly thankful for the friends I have ~ sometimes I’m just plain surprised they’ve stuck around this long…

What do you look for in a friendship? What would constitute a “best” friend in your books?

“Good friends are the most uplifting thing in my life…….
…without under-wire!”


I'm the Cool Mom of 4, Married to the Preacher Man, but at times I'm a little more Sass than Saint!

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  1. Seems like I’ve done a lot of talking about friendship the past couple of days… but keeping one’s mouth shut in a friendship is not limited to those who walk in leadership… I always have an opinion and I do not pastor a church, lead a ladies group or speak at retreat events.

    I count my closest friends on one hand and then a whole group of ladies I enjoy time with on both hands and feet!

    Friendships have come and gone over the years, depending on change of address, jobs and churches… but it’s still a desire of mine to keep a friend longer than it takes to watch the orginal series of Star Trek… but life’s demands can get in the way.

    Captain Kirk had great friends…

    That’s what I think makes a great friend…a Bones and a Spock, to stand beside you, giving you logic and a dose of reality now and then… “He’s dead Jim.”

    Growing in friendship sometimes grows you apart, and I’ve had that happen, but I don’t ever want to be the reason for it… so for the friendship we share, on whatever weird and wacky level that lands, I’m grateful.

    I believe in the end, it will be our shared faith that keeps our friendship growing despite distance, time or schedulling issues….

    by the way… I have school on Mondays… but it’s a lovely thought.

  2. Hey there….’Friendships’ seems to be a hot topic these days. Guess alot of us are thinking thru things, and relationships. For me a friendship can come in different packages, and different levels. I must admit that my best relationships are those that are going after God. At the same time, I love the ones I can laugh with too, and just let my hair down. I look for loyalty – those that will think the best, and come and talk to me if they are struggling wiht me. I have osme friends, that I just love, but their lives are such a mess, it’s actually hard to hang out wiht them too much, because they never listen to anyone’s advice – let alone mine – and it’s hard watching someone you care about, going around the same old mountian. I like friends who have an opinion and voice it to me – I love a good discussion! And I love friends who can forgive easily, get back up and keep going no matter what. But what I really look for, and don’t find very often, is someone who can handle when “I” am not ‘up’…or am feeling discouraged – sometimes you just need a friend who can handle that even the leader gets ‘low’..but it doesn’t mean they’ll quit. I could probably write a ton more…but I’ll leave it at that!

  3. Wow, a very good question. Perhaps, like you, I find it relatively easy to reach out and make new friends. I think the thing I look for most in my close friends is reciprocity. In other words, will they reach back? Some women get lazy and expect me to do all the relationship “work.” Consequently, occasionally I make the mistake of overgiving. I need to remember that others enjoy giving as much as I do, and I should allow them the opportunity. My closest girlfriends are the ones where there is a nice balance of giving and receiving. My “best friend” is my husband. :~)

  4. My best friend is a preacher’s wife, so I’m familiar with some of the things you wrote about just from being friends with her. She, too, has learned about when to keep her opinions to herself, which I think is what she mostly does. Sometimes I know it’s hard for her! She’ll be moving soon and I’m gonna miss her!!

  5. One if the most important things in a friend is making time to be there and spend time together. I know what it’s like to be busy, really I do. The problem with being too busy is that the closeness wans. One of my best friends is one I had in high school. I still consider her a good friend, but due to her being “too busy” I began to feel sort of slighted and unimportant in her eyes. I know her history and her husband and children (barely, because she was too busy). I know her life with her husband is hard. I also know she makes time for other things and way to much time for him as he has been an awful husband. I feel bad that I don’t feel she is even interested enough to tell her my mom is very ill with cancer. Sometimes you have to make time in a busy schedule to let your friends know they are important too. This is not a criticism of you, just a story of one friendship of mine and how it became less of one and how I miss it. Don’t wait for your friends tocall you on Monday nights, call them first and let them know how precious they are to you.

  6. I think friends should MAKE time for each other. Like any other relationship, it needs nurturing. I’ve lost some good friends along the way just because we lost contact at some point. It’s sad. I hope your friends pick up your “hint” to come swipe you away on Mondays! Have fun.

  7. Good friends are hard to come by. Cherish the old and reach out to the new. Yes, friendships need nurturing, but the “old” friends;the ones that have been w/you through every imaginable situation, they require less maintenance than the new. That is because they have stood the test of time and the times of stress. Their loyalty has been proven as well as yours to them. One rule though, Don’t ever take them for granted.

    I have friends from childhood that I still call on. Some are many miles away, some I only have contact with every 6 months or so. We always pick up, right where we left. You know, that last 2 or 3 sentences in the conversation that go like this: “I love you. I’m glad we could talk today. You are in my prayers. Thanks for everything.”
    Those words may sound like just a routine closing, but to me, they are from the heart.

    When I hear them from my friend, I hear; “I’m glad we’re friends. You are still a large part of my life. Thanks for always being there for me.” Old friends are like antiques; keep them in good repair and they are worth a fortune.

    New friends are not made to replace the old friends they are made to fill in the gaps. Gaps in my life, gaps in theirs. The memories shared with old friends are priceless and irreplaceable. In time, memories w/new friends will also fill my mind’s archives in a place called SPECIAL.

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