Gift advice for you ladies for Valentine’s Day…

By: Daniel Fathers

Someone via a tweet asked me to give you ‘Girls’ some advice on what your ‘Guys’ might appreciate for Valentine’s… So Ladies, here’s the skinny from a ‘Man’s’ perspective: PEACE & QUIET!!! Just kidding, but now I’ve got your attention… lol…

So here’s what we really want, but will rarely tell you… ready…?

Bottom line, there’s not just one easy answer, so I’m going to generalize by grouping your ‘Male Intimate Partners’ into two groups:

‘Peter Pan’
‘The Real Man’…

(I was seriously going to hijack Daniel’s post and insert a picture of my hubby here… :)) 

I know what you’re going to say, “My guy’s a real man!” Really? Let’s be honest here. You know not all guys are ‘Real Men’. In fact I hear you ladies complain about your guys not ‘Man-ing Up’ more than any other complaint… So, let’s work on rigorous self honesty here!

Now, on Valentine’s both types will require two very different gifts from you… So it really depends on what’s standing in front of you. Here’s how to determine what exactly we’ve got to work with here:

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you need him to change? (I wish I could see your faces right now….lol !! I have a pretty good idea what they look like after that!! Anyway, I digress….) 
  • Do you wish he would step up to his responsibilities? 
  • Do you wish he would listen and take note of your feelings and emotions, without offering his opinions or advice? 
  • Do you feel safe when you’re with him (even though I totally understand you ladies don’t actually need us anymore and are quite capable of looking after yourselves!)? 
  • Do you feel you can trust his judgement, leadership and the direction he’s taking you in? 
  • Does he in fact HAVE a direction?

In general, if you yearn for him to change, step up, protect you and you’re not entirely trusting of where he’s taking you and therefore you feel safer leading the partnership yourself (by the way, there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just a matter of your choice).

Chances are you’re the caregiver of a lovely little ‘Peter Pan’.  He looks like a man on the outside, but he’s a little boy on the inside…. Peter Pan’s are basically teenagers trapped in men’s bodies! They have just discovered s*x and LOVE IT!!! However, they perform it primarily for their own gratification not yours… They will indeed put you first, occasionally, but be-grudgingly… They also like TOYS!! Yey!! TOYS!!! They like Toys and S*x! Easy… So, if you’ve just discovered you have a ‘Peter Pan’ in front of you and are quite happy being his ‘Wendy’ here’s my suggestion as to what to do for Valentine’s…

The life of a ‘Peter Pan’ is about instantaneous gratification. So don’t get him something sentimental or something grown up or mature. Not only will he not like it, but he won’t have a clue how to react when you give it to him. He’ll feel as though he was shafted by his parents on Christmas Day… and for all intensive purposes, he was. By his mother…yes, you… sorry… remember… rigorous self honesty here! So, buy him something shiny or that makes a noise… and then rock his world! You know what I’m talking about ladies… Happy Valentine’s Peter Pan!

Ok, now, you’ve got a ‘Real Man’… here’s how you can tell for sure:

  • The role of a ‘Real Man’ as he sees it is to Give, Protect, Provide and Cherish the feelings of his intimate partner.
  • He is masculine in his nature. 
  • He likes to buy YOU things. Not so much for himself, but for you. He will always buy you more than he will buy for himself.
  • He will put the happiness, feelings and emotions of his intimate partner & family ahead of his own.
  • In return, all he wants is RESPECT. Respect for his thoughts, ideas and leadership. If he thinks he’s getting those things from you, as a result, he will feel loved. Simple as that!

@docpatallen {Dr. Pat Allen} always said to us, “Women need to feel good in order to do good. Men need to do good in order to feel good.”

A ‘Real Man’ doesn’t need toys. Thoughtful gifts are enough and to be totally honest, something written (by you, not Hallmark) that talks about how you respect him. Admire him for being your man and how you appreciate everything he does for you and his family. That you are proud to be his woman will be sufficient. I guarantee if you do that, he’ll feel totally loved!

One little warning though… never give a ‘Real Man’ more than he gives you. Even though you may earn more money than him, it’s important for him to feel like a man. If you out give him, i.e. ‘out man’ him, he is going to feel inadequate. So be careful! S*x… ABBAsolutely!! Let’s not be silly here!! Knock yourself out! But let him rock your world! Trust me, he likes it….

So ladies, what to give your guy… depends on whether you have a ‘Peter Pan’ or ‘Real Man’, Toys verses Respect and Appreciation.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Let me know how you feel about my advice and how it worked out…

Daniel is a friend of mine.

Daniel Fathers, internationally recognized star of Disney’s, “Camp Rock” & “Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam”, as “Uncle Brown Cesario” – the uncle to the Jonas brothers. He guest stars as Stewart Forrest on CBC’s, hour long drama, “Heartland” filmed in Alberta. Watch for him on Sunday, February 13 & 20, 2011 @ 7pm.


I'm the Cool Mom of 4, Married to the Preacher Man, but at times I'm a little more Sass than Saint!

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  1. this made me laugh ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. LOL! Just too funny. I have a real man then! But I must disagree that they only want respect. I think they want toys too – ALL men still have some Peter Pan in them !

  3. Rossana [cdnmortgage]

    LOL, great post! Thanks for sharing your insights ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Yay! I have a real man! I already knew that, but it's nice to have someone else confirm it for me:)

    I agree with J.O.A.T. that I think Real Men still like toys…and for my hubby, it would be a nice, shiny, new airplane!! I mean a real one. Afterall…he's not Peter Pan, so he can't fly ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. That is just awesome – and I almost spit out my coffee seeing the Old Spice guy. Bwwaaaaa!!!
    This is a great post and it does ring truth.
    And, if you think your man verges on the line between the real thing and Peter Pan – give him something shiny, makes noise and attach a heartfelt message.
    You can't go wrong!!

    Love this post!


  6. LUV it! I love that this is REAL guy honesty here. It made me laugh, but it's insightful too!

    I definitely have a REAL man, DEFINITELY DEFINITELY, but I think he slips into moments of Peter Pan-ness as well. He definitely appreciates the heart-felt notes and admiration (every day, not just on Valentine's). But I think most guys would go for s3x and toys for Valentine's, anyway, LOL!

  7. Ok, YES!!! Real Men like toys too! but it's not our primary focus… You are…Daniel Fathers

  8. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

    In case you have forgotten,
    Remember Valentine's Day,
    Give cards, candy or flowers,
    And celebrate it every day!

    Happy Valentineโ€™s Day!

  9. That was a great post, But if you are correct, then I don"t think I have a real man.

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