Have you ever had those days when you didn’t want to get out of bed?
Most of my friends know that I hate mornings. Garfield and I have a lot in common. Not many know that some days though… I want to stay in bed, not to sleep some more, but to escape. To avoid my responsibilities. To avoid my life. Today was one of those days.
For the most part I am that bubbly, social butterfly, who gets a high from being around people and rarely has a bad hair day, person ~ but there are those days when I can’t get dressed. I can’t answer the phone. I can’t make dinner. I just don’t want to open my eyes. Those are the days I wish I was physically ill so I’d have a better “excuse” to stay in bed.
That’s not an easy thing to admit as a Pastor’s Wife.
Growing up, that title put images in my head of the perfect partner to her Preacher-man. She plays the piano with perfect poise, placating the parishioners, a Petunia puff perched in her pleats.
I am NOT that person, nor do I ever – ever – EVER wish to be! That person is not real to me. I am real. I am imperfect. I have flaws.
I am OK with that.
K, that’s not entirely true, I’m only OK with that when others
are OK with that. Why do I let a few bad apples spoil the whole barrel?!
In reality, it’s not a “because I’m married to the Minister” thing, it’s a Shannon thing. I struggle with disappointing people and feeling like a failure. At times I feel invisible… forgotten. I always have. Being the Pastor’s Wife just means I can pull off the “smile and nod” thing better than anyone else!
I’m not as confident as I look.
When I saw the following quote, I thought it was perfect. It says everything that I’ve wanted to say but can’t.
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ~ Marilyn Monroe
So, can you handle me?